Aneesha turned 18 this year. She is a student of History at St. Stephen’s college. Aneesha’s parent’s moved to the Mathur building when she was 2 years old. She participates actively in a number of cultural activities here and also helps organize a summer camp for children. In sad and anxious moments, she finds “peace and solace” on the terrace.

Here are her thoughts about growing up and living in this building and set up.
 

“Straddling two worlds.. or so it seems... living in this society and going out to a good coed school n college where people come from very different backgrounds.. love it or hate it... it still seems like two lives”.

The closeness we feel amongst our "own" people, in the society.... an intimacy born of a shared past and blood ties, of a culture, a heritage, the feeling of pride when i tell my friends outside about quirks of language, food n rituals etc that i have inherited as one of the 'dilliwale Mathurs', that make my world slightly different from theirs, the wonderment and outright admiration that i find on their faces as i tell them stories of the 'sheher' and the old families which used to live there... stories that have come down to me from various members of my family... or should that be extended family stories of a whole society, a 100- odd families practically all from the same part of the old 'sheher'.. related through a maze of ties and cross-ties... the togetherness and sharing and the ease of familiarity...
but then.. this closeness, this familiarity can also feel like a deadweight sometimes.. living in a society which is more like a massive family... there is hardly any privacy, no chance of doing your own thing without thinking about what the neighbours might say.... from the school one goes to to the color on your wall... everything is everyone's concern.... and then there is the slight problem of cultural indigestion.. feeling of being pulled into two.. coz the protected, closed, set world of this 'mathur culture' is pretty different from the atmosphere at college...
citing a case in point....
THe Diwali Mela... or, better yet, the Janmashtami celebration... the questoin here is between soial pressure. or expectation.. and personal choice...u can NOT get out of it without having to answer to a few dozen people who continuously seek your presence in the society's scheme of things..
even worse can be the eternal preoccupation of the loving Uncles n aunties to get u married off at the earliest and the constant question of.."so beta.. ab toh badi ho gayi.. ab bas kuch time baad shaadi"..... never mind that i'm barely into my 2nd year of college.... the most annoying part of this is that due to the family connections... u cant even tell them to mind their own business... coz it seems as if it IS...
paradoxically, the same things u crib about can be the good things bout living in a close community...... being on such close, familiar terms with everyone gives u a sense of belonging and security... the same intrusive neighbours come in to help with anything u might possibly need help in... growing up in such a warm environment... where you are treated like everyone's own darling child can give u a really sweet outlook towards life.. and getting together with so many people on every occasion, be it religious festivals, independence day celebrations, kite flying or someone's wedding.. u have a rollicking good time... and whoever said idle gossip is a great mood lifter was SO right... though the feeling that the entire society is kind of keeping its eyes on you and judging every move can get irksome..
plus there are things like the inability to shrug off an invitation to someone's house for fear of offending them... or the feeling of being watched by a hundred odd eyes which don't really see the other worlds i inhabit... practically everyone acts the same way... and its is the conformity that suppresses individualism.. censure or derision for those who act differently... life is not about your opinion.. but a question of "what will the neighbors say..???".......... but then.. the wholehearted overwhelming sense of pride, acceptance and welcome that the entire community exudes to its children on every achievement is also amazing...